Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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