So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
