Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
