Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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