he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
