guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
