i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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