There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
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Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
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We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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