At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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