What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
