Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
