May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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