I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
