I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she told me i tasted like america
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
