Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
