Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
