He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
