My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
