I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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