How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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