it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
