just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
