if you like me you must not know who I am
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
