Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
