last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
