Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize