went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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