Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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