I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
