so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
