That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
