Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
