fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
