I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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