I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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