do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
