Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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