do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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