Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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