im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
