Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
