i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
