I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
