I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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