All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
