i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
