oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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