The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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