well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
