We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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