Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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