I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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