How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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