she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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