that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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