I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
