Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
