Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
