Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
