He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I need moral support for this bender
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
