Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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