wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
