oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
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And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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