I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
