My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
