Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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