just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
